byenara.
March 12, 2012 | 9:26 AM
I really haven't blogged in a while. And I think I know the reason for that, somehow. I just couldn't muster enough energy to do so, because there were too many random things flirting with my mind trying to have sex with it. That is too shaggifying in itself. But just when I was walking home today, suddenly I felt the need to write again, and I think that's the sign that things are going to be okay for me from now on. So I'm just going to ramble, and everyone who still bothers to read this will just have to bear with me.
I spent almost 9 months in a dream, knocking confusedly into everything and anything, pissing myself and everyone around me in the process. But I'm coming out of it. I have to, cause I cannot afford to lose myself time and again just because I cannot control a lot about myself. I'm confused, you know, sometimes I don't know which is really me. Sounds all weak and stuff but I really don't know. Probably it's both. Damn this bipolar nonsense.
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Just got distracted reading old msn chat logs. Going back to hall today brought back a lot of memories, which was good, cause I have been living quite a half-life for a while now. It made me remember a lot about the old(er) me, and I think that was crucial to having the motivation to blog again.
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I have a lot more important things to think about now. It's at the back of all our minds, what we're going to do once we graduate, and sometimes I just wonder if I'm just taking a route that wouldn't present as many short-term obstacles. Frankly I don't see that as being wrong in any way, but I'd just wonder all the same at what it says about me. A lot of waiting around and thinking, so its probably best if I just ignore all those thoughts and fill up my schedule so I don't have to think now. In the end it's really 船到桥头自然直 anyway.
Sometimes I wonder about that pride. 考えたことないですか、私はあなたをずっと待っているかもしれないってこと。助けてほしいかもしれないってこと。I shall stop. Maybe when I'm not dropping off every 5 seconds I would write better. Soon, though, I promise.
velda.
